Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
