Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
