Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
