I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize