About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
