speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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