The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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