the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
