So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
