cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
