I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
