Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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