last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
