Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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