I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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