my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
