I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize