Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
