Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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