she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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