you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We need to rekindle our bromance
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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