We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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