I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
