i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Panties = found
Randomize
