I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
