Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
you never un-have a 4some
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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