I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
