The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
