Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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