She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
