I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
