4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
