I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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