I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
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