Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize