Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
