He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
