Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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