I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize