By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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