I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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