he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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