I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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