Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
