Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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