LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
