Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
