i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
