Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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