I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
