I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
