So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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