i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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