I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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