Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he fucked my hip out of place.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
