I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
