so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
