we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
