So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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