Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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