my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
