I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
