I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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